It was late as I left the Riverwalk in San Antonio. I had just finished a long-delayed dinner at Big Rick’s Bacon-a-go-Go-GO! in the Pearl Brewery market. As I reached for my car keys, a voice called softly from under the overpass: “Hey, want to buy some imported wine?”

I let that comment pass over my ears under the overpass. Can’t help it; just like the wordplay. It was July. I am in a steamy area in 92 degrees where the air has congealed around my skin to lock in the stale residue of the day. Not exactly where I would look, or keep, wine. “What do you have?” I replied to the dusky concrete columns supporting a roadway like a forest of hard knocks.

“Chateau Petrus 1989 — $600 a case.”

The Holy Grail of wine finds slid off his lower lip opposite the cigarette angled on the left. Chateau Petrus, a Bordeaux, Pomerol region, THE Bordeaux of 1989 famous for its rating of 100 out of 100. Release price almost $400 a bottle and he was offering this gem at 50 bucks a cork.

“Show me,” I said as I sauntered over. “All I have is talk right now.”

He stepped into a bit more light, pulling a two-wheel rack with a cardboard case of wine. “I have a friend watching nearby, he’s got a gun, let’s keep this friendly.” His tone was cautious, but hungry.

“Hey, I’m all about peace and love.” I raised my arms a bit with hands plainly visible. “You are the one hiding in the dark. I just like wine.”

He relaxed a bit and reached down to draw out a bottle.

“No need,” I said as I snapped a handcuff on the extended paw. “Just slowly turn around and put your other hand behind your back.”

His eyes were wide and he seemed to tense. “Don’t do it, buddy, I’m with the police,” I said. “Running will just make you tired when I book you.” I did not worry about the friend guarding him. If there were anyone, it was his girlfriend, who by now would have made her way elsewhere.

I read him, bagged and tagged, sent him off with a mobile unit promising to come in and do the paper. Then I continued my now, much-delayed journey home.

This may sound fantastic to you, but there are people scamming people all the time. The wine turned out to be some screw-cap Australian red that they had swapped labels. Petrus did not use screw-tops in 1989, may never. It is a real global wine problem, may not happen that much but it really hurts the confidence of customers.
It’s like those e-mails you get from Senator Um-babab-waye that say if you will just give him your bank account number, he will send you enough money to buy New Mexico. He just wants his cut, like what is in your bank account right now. Oh, and he will get charge cards from the info and they will be in your name. So you will be cleaned out and owe money from here to Buffalo.

Same goes for those deals telling you that California will break off and sink in two weeks and my this is the perfect time to buy inexpensive, soon-to-be-oceanfront property just south of Reno.

If it sounds too good to be true, it is.