In this photo from summer, 2009, vendors setup for the farmers market at the San Antonio Botanical Garden.

The San Antonio Botanical Garden Farmers Market was scheduled to start today, but, according to personnel at the garden, none of the sellers showed up.

The market is scheduled for next Thursday, May 16, as well.  SavorSA will follow up to see if it gets off to a better start, since so many are looking forward to it. Also, you might call the Botanical Garden before going over, the spokesperson said.

Hours are 8 a.m.-1 p.m. Thursdays.  Vendors from Bexar and surrounding counties will offer seasonal fruits and vegetables, from berries to zucchini.

In addition, a group of volunteers from the Botanical Society Plant Team will be selling “Texas friendly” plants, including fragrant herbs. They will also answer questions about where in your garden they will prosper and how to to help them thrive.

The farmers market will be open through Dec. 9, but the plant sale will take a break in August, sparing the workers and tender plants from the excessive heat.  Plant sales will continue until October.

San Antonio Botanical Garden
555 Funston Place
San Antonio, TX, 78209
210-207-3255
www.sabot.org

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“I believe that if ever I had to practice cannibalism, I might manage if there were enough tarragon around.”
~ James Beard

Cooking classes, fresh citrus, and helping others can brighten up your weekend.

Helping Haiti
January 14 – 17
Azuca
713 S. Alamo St.
The restaurant will contribute 10 percent of your bill to the American Red Cross. Call (210) 225-5550 for reservations and mention the donation.

Citrus Fest
January 15 – 24
Central Market
4821 Broadway St.
A broader selection of citrus is available including: Minneola tangelos; pummelos; sweet limes; Buddha’s hand; yuzu; and kumquat.  There will be demonstrations throughout the store including Volcano Blood OJ; Balconi Lemon Cakes with San Pellegrino; Berto’s Ice Cream; and Randy’s Key Lime Pies.  For more information, call (210) 368-8600.

Cooking Demonstration at the Pearl
Saturday, January 16, 9:30 a.m., free
Pearl Farmers Market
200 East Grayson
In addition to fresh produce, enjoy a cooking demonstration of vegetable moussaka by Chef Jeff Balfour of Hotel Valencia’s Citrus and musical entertainment.  The demonstration is at 9:30 a.m. and the market’s general hours are 9 a.m. until 1 p.m.  The market also features a changing chef’s table lunch menu by Chef Johnny Hernandez, “representing what is seasonal and regional in our cuisine.” Hernandez serves the meal family-style and discusses each vendor and their seasonal ingredients. For information or reservations, go to www.mesalegre.com.

“Sharpening Your Knife Skills”
Saturday, January 16, 9:30 a.m. – 2:30 p.m., $250
Culinary Institute of America (CIA) San Antonio
312 Pearl Parkway, Building 3 (In the Pearl Center)
Learn proper knife selection, maintenance, and usage, as well as techniques like chiffonade and dice. Participants receive the CIA textbook “In the Hands of a Chef”, along with a CIA logo apron to take home.

Battered Women’s Shelters Benefit Lunch
Saturday, January 16, 1 – 3 p.m., $25
Scenic Loop Cafe
25615 Boerne Stage Rd.
Scenic Loop Cafe, Hip Dingo & Little Black Dress Society present a fashion show to raise funds for Battered Women’s Shelters.  The meal includes Sonoran Chicken Salad with Avocado on a Bed of Greens and Sourdough Bread.  Coffee, tea, and soda will be provided and there is also a cash bar available.  Tickets can be purchased by calling (210) 687-1818.

2010 Wine and Rodeo
Saturday, January 16, 6:30 p.m., $100 for individual ticket, $1,500 for table of 10, $4,000 for Golden Corral table
Multi-Purpose Facility at Freeman Coliseum Grounds
3201 E. Houston
Enjoy award winning wines from the first annual S.A.L.E. wine competition.  Special ticketing required for entry into the Cattleman’s Club, where premium spirits will be served.  For more information and tickets, see http://www.sarodeo.com/annual/go_western_gala.html.

Vallformosa Spanish and Argentinean Wine Dinner
Saturday, January 16, 7 p.m., $55 plus tax and gratuity
Liberty Bistro
200 N Seguin Ave
New Braunfels, TX 78130
The first course is Pear Salad with Bleu Cheese, Walnuts & Liberty Vinaigrette, which will be followed by Gnocchi with Spinach, Mushrooms, Onion, and White Wine Lemon Butter Sauce. The third course is Spanish Style Steamed Mussels; afterwards will be Beef & Pork Skewers with Chimichurri Sauce. Dessert will be Eclaires.  For reservations, call (830) 624-7876.

Sweet tangerines and tangelos from Orange Blossom Farm

Looking to stock your holiday pantry and to pick up last-minute gifts? The Pearl Farmers Market will be expanded this Saturday into a full-fledged holiday festival with extended hours and extensive offerings.

Come early for a tamalada with chef Johnny Hernandez. Don’t worry if you aren’t an early riser and can’t be there by 9:30 a.m.; the tamales will be available throughout the day with varieties including chicken with tomatillo; veggie bean and cheese; and a special dessert tamal- strawberry, cherry and raisin.  True Flavors will also be selling tamales as well as breakfast tacos to curb your hunger while shopping.  The Pearl’s restaurants will be open for business and one of them, Il Sogno, will have a booth selling Italian meatball sandwiches.

The shiny new Saweet Cupcake truck.

For those who can’t conceive of Christmas without chocolate, check out Melissa Guerra’s kitchen demo at 10:30 p.m.  She will be cooking with Aztecan chocolate.

Other activities include gingerbread house workshops for families who want to make their own or perhaps even a whole village.  The class will be held at the Center for Architecture.  Synergy Studio’s students will perform; last week, the dancers and drummers were in the covered area at the Full Goods Building.  The Twig Bookshop, which recently moved into the Pearl complex, will have a reading at 3 p.m. of “Tamales, Comadres, and the History of Civilization” by UTSA professor Ellen Riojas Clark and Carmen Tafolla.  Not to be forgotten, Santa Claus himself will be putting in an appearance during the festivities.

Seasoned Feta from CKC Farms is shelf stable for 6 months.

On the other side of the Full Goods Building, an artisans market will feature items for anyone’s stocking.  Items include holiday food items, arts, jewelry, and more.  The usual vendors of the Farmers Market will be bringing great items for gifts as well.  Watson Farm will have an extensive selection of small batch jams and sauces perfect for stocking stuffers; some notables include Roseberry Jam (strawberry & rosemary) and Basilberry Jam (blackberry and basil).  Sandy Oaks will have both this year’s vintage of olive oil, as well as last year’s, in addition to gift items like soaps, olive trees, hand creams, and salt scrub.

Instead of buying all of your holiday meal’s produce and ingredients from the grocery store, check out the offerings of the Farmers Market.  Oak Hill Farms will be offering a variety of vegetables including root vegetables (carrots, beets, and turnips), as well as leafy greens (red and green kale).  Finca Pura Vida will have many items such as Daikon radish, arugula, winter squash, and snow peas.  They will also be selling Germain Porcelain garlic; Gayla Lyons of the farm said that the variety has more flavor due to its higher oil content and it won the New York garlic show two years in a row.  Braune Farms will have kohlrabi, red green onions, and possibly tomatoes and bell peppers.  Hartman Farm of Stockdale will have cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, and swiss chard, as well as fresh eggs.  Orange Blossom Farms from Carrizo Springs will have certified organic Bower tangerines and tangelos.

Giant turnips from Braune Farms

For the main course of your holiday table, L & M from Floresville will have steaks (rib-eye, club, sirloin, T-bone), roasts, and stew meat.  Linda Perez says many of her customers are planning to make Boeuf Bourguignon for their Christmas celebration and she has recipes on hand to help.  She also says that her booth will be transformed for the day into a Bull and China Shop – in addition to the cuts of meat, she will be selling some of her own ceramics.

Thunderheart Bison will also have a variety of meats available to take home, and My Big Bib will be taking orders for holiday turkeys and hams.  If you can’t wait until then, they are selling BBQ plates from their smoker.

Local cheeses for gift giving and your own table will be available.  CKC Farms from Blanco will have a variety of fresh goat cheeses, including seasoned feta in jars decorated with raffia.  Humble House Foods offers Camembert, Camberti (a dried Camembert similar to Parmesan), mascarpone, and others.  If you consider serving a holiday cheese plate, Guajillo (White Brush) honey from Spalten Honey Co. would complement it.  They sell small bears and containers up to 96 ounces – perfect for making mead.  Want some nuts to grace that plate?  Some of the vendors offering them are Al’s Homemade Nuts, Ocker Pecan Company, and Rhew Orchards.

Gift ideas from Rhew Orchards

Desserts and other baked goods will be available from several of the vendors.  Sol y Luna will have Cranberry Apple Coffee Cake and Cranberry Walnut Lavain, in addition to their Christstöllen, made from almonds, cardamom, and dried fruits including golden raisins and citron.  Biga will have a large variety of breads. Gluten-free fresh baked goods by HGD Foods will be available, as well as mixes for pancakes on Christmas morning.   Rhew Orchards will not only have pecans; they are offering baked treats including breads like banana pecan and pumpkin pecan, as well as pies: chocolate pecan, lemon pecan, and buttermilk pecan.

Vendors that are normally not part of the Farmers Market will also be selling treats.  The Culinary Institute of America-San Antonio students will be selling homemade buñuelos throughout the day; whether or not you can wait to get them home for gifts is another matter.  Gourmet desserts and peanut brittle will be available from MS Chocolatier and Violet Talk will have their fudge.  The Saweet Cupcake truck will have cupcakes and hot chocolate to keep your sugar fix for all the shopping.

Your last-minute holiday solution awaits!

Pearl Holiday Festival
200 E. Grayson St.
San Antonio, TX 78215
9a.m. – 4 p.m.
www.eventsatpearl.com

(Photos: Kristina Mistry)

Burns Nursery, 13893 U.S. 87, is having a fall extravaganza with a farmers market. It starts at 10 a.m. Oct. 17.

The schedule for the day includes:

• Landscape design class at 10 a.m.
• Mommy & Me pottery and pumpkin painting (including a free pumpkin)
• Face painting from 10 a.m. to noon and from 1 to 3 p.m.
• A pumpkin patch and hay maze
• Craft show with vendors from the area
• Fall farmers market with vendors from around the area

For information, call (210) 649-4377 or click here.

This morning a new produce vendor joins the Pearl Farmers Market – Finca Pura Vida from Fayetteville.  For its  debut, its owners will offer a variety of produce including basil, sweet peppers (orange, red and yellow), okra (green and burgundy), eggplant, and Asian pears.  In addition, they will be selling pipian, an heirloom variety of Costa Rican squash that is shaped similar to a zucchini and is very pale with a green tinge and green stripes.

The husband and wife pair, Gayla Lyons and Edgar Chaves, have been farming in Texas for nine years.  Chaves began his farming career in Costa Rica at the age of 2.

The farm exceeds organic standards and it is certified, Lyons says, adding that the couple do not use DNA-modified seeds nor do they use any of the 247 non-organic chemicals that are acceptable in the government’s standards.  She further explained that 98 percent of their seeds are heirlooms, with the exception of a few hybrid tomatoes.

In addition to vegetables and fruits, the farmers hope to bring some of their other products to Pearl soon.  They plan to have pork, beef and Thanksgiving turkeys.  They also raise chickens and are currently yielding six dozen eggs per day.  In a season where many farmers are complaining that it is too hot for chickens to lay, Finca Pura Vida has found success by feeding their chickens a mix of Amish grain.  In the spring, the couple also anticipate having goose and turkey eggs.

Pearl Farmers Market
Saturdays, 9 a.m. – 1 p.m. (rain or shine)
200 E. Grayson St.
San Antonio, TX 78215

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In addition to fresh produce, meats, seafood and bread, among other foodie delights, the Pearl  Farmers Market has welcomed a new member into the mix, Humble House Foods, which produces artisan cheeses.

Luis Morales, a graduate of the CIA-San Antonio, started this enterprise with his girlfriend, Marsha Millegan.  At their Pearl debut this Saturday, they are offering six cheeses for sale, three of which will be varieties of marscapone including capers and dill, adobo-lime, and seasonal fruit.

In addition, they will have fromage blanc with fresh herbs and queso fresco.  A special dessert cheese will also be available that has one-third of the fat and sugar of a comparable cheese and is made with fresh lemon juice and fruit.  All of the cheeses available will be made with cow’s milk.

Additional varieties will be offered in the near future.  They are currently in production of a creamy Camembert and a unique cheese they have named Camberti, which is a dried Camembert aged in a zero-humidity environment for approximately two to three weeks.   The result is a gratable cheese, rich like Parmesan.

The couple have previously sold their products at farmers markets in both New Braunfels and San Marcos.  Morales is excited about participating at the Pearl and San Antonio cheese lovers will now have a source for fresh, local cheese.

The Way To Be.

That is not the title of the cookbook, it is more my feeling about Julia Child.  I remember watching her in an interview on a late night show when she was promoting “The Way To Cook.”  The interviewer/comedian was fishing for a funny situation or material for a quick joke when he asked, “So if someone follows the recipe in your book and it doesn’t work, what did they do wrong?”

That is a type of question that would make many people search their minds for the answer he wanted.  Not Julia.  She told him in a matter of fact way that if they follow the recipes in her book, it would work.  He tried again, with a “yeah, but what if” line and she came back to her point.  Then she said all of the recipes were tried and true, that it is the way to cook.

That was the “bingo” for the interviewer.  He shrugged, held up her book showing the title and said he guessed she had a point.  He got his laugh.

I was already a fan of Julia, so I bought a copy of “The Way to Cook.”  After looking at many recipes, using her master recipe highlighted shorts for reference, and preparing many of the dishes listed, it dawned on me that it was the way to cook.

The following recipe for tomatoes works with the beautiful offerings at farmers markets now.  It also includes a classic Julia view on using your little finger.

The book notes that the slight acidity of the tomato blends especially well with red meats, and especially with roast lamb.  “In addition, Tomatoes Provençale are attractive with brunch dishes such as omelets or scrambled eggs.  For this easy recipe, stuff them in advance, and bake them just before serving.”

Stuffed Tomatoes Provençale

For 8 tomato halves:
4 large fine firm ripe tomatoes
Salt and freshly ground pepper
1/2 cup lightly pressed down crumbs from fresh homemade type white bread
2 tablespoons minced shallots or scallions
1 large clove garlic, puréed
1/4 cup minced fresh parsley
3 to 4 tablespoons olive oil

Special equipment suggested: A rack for draining the tomatoes; a lightly oiled baking dish that will hold them.

Preparing the tomatoes for stuffing:  Cut the tomatoes in half (not through the stem).  Gently squeeze them to remove excess juice; dig out the seeds with your little finger. Salt and pepper the insides lightly and turn upside down on a rack to drain while you prepare the stuffing.

The stuffing: Toss the breadcrumbs with the shallots or scallions, garlic, parsley, and salt and pepper to taste, blending in droplets of olive oil as you do so.

Divide the stuffing into 8 portions and mound into each tomato; arrange the tomatoes in the baking dish. Drizzle a little more oil over the crumbs, if you wish.

Ahead-of-time note:  May be prepared in advance to this point.

Baking:  Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.  About 20 minutes before serving, bake in the upper third level until the crumbs are lightly browned and the tomatoes are hot through but still hold their shape.  Serve them soon, since they risk a collapse if kept warm.

From “The Way To Cook” by Julia Child

I can’t imagine anyone who loves homegrown or farmer-grown tomatoes not having a favorite way to make gazpacho.  If you have a tried and true recipe, we’d love to hear about it and share it with SavorSA readers.

Gazpacho wasn’t always my favorite cold soup in the past. But I think I finally learned three valuable secrets to  success with gazpacho. First, of course, is the rule to use the freshest homegrown tomatoes you can find.

The second is not so much a rule as a process: Apply the same balancing act to the gazpacho that you do when making a good vinaigrette.  This means that everyone’s gazpacho will be a  little different. It means parting ways with the recipe, if necessary.  I have friends who love tart, acidic salad dressings. I like my dressing a little less acidic.  If you have tasted your way to making a vinaigrette that works for you, then use the same approach in balancing the flavors in your gazpacho.

Finally, think of this soup as a “cool” rather than cold soup. If you want to nestle the bowl of gazpacho down into ice as a serving presentation, that’s fine. But the soup should not be icy. In fact, I think it should be closer to cool room temperature than downright cold.

I’m making my own version now, using lots of olive oil, garlic and roasted red peppers along with those good tomatoes.  Scott Cohen, chef at Brasserie Pavil, puts a helping of cold jumbo lump crab on top of his.  In Spain, we’ve had versions that crowned the cool soup with  salty strips of Jamón Serrano.  Other garnishes: warm, herbed croutons, or  just a sprig of fresh basil.

Tips for making a good gazpacho:

• Get the best, ripest tomatoes you can grow, buy or beg from friends. Don’t refrigerate them.
• Make the gazpacho early on the day you are going to serve it. The flavors need some time to blend, but again, the tomatoes in the soup won’t taste as good if they sit overnight in the refrigerator.
• Decide if you want it to be an appetizer, soup course or main meal. If the latter, consider putting some grilled shrimp or fresh crab on top. (I like gazpacho with diced avocado on top, served with hot garlic bread a glass of white wine, such as an an Albariño.)
• I put most of the ingredients in a blender and gently pulse until it is a well-mixed, but still coarse, blend. Then, I add diced vegetables that will contrast nicely with the tomato (white cucumber, green avocado).
• When it comes to the olive oil, salt and vinegar, add to your taste. Start with small amounts and build, tasting as you go. After the gazpacho has cooled and sat for awhile, and just before serving, taste and adjust seasoning again.
• Use your really good, cold-pressed extra-virgin olive oil here.  If you put in a tablespoonful, that’s too skimpy — put in 2 or 3 or more.  It is good for you, adds wonderful flavor and puts a pretty sheen on top of the gazpacho.
• If serving gazpacho for a group, don’t hide its beauty in a crockery serving bowl. I like to use a glass bowl or a clear glass jar with an interesting shape. (I used to save the empty half-gallon maraschino cherry jars from an Italian restaurant I worked at for just this purpose.) Put a ladle in it and let guests serve their own. If you are putting out crab or shrimp, pile it on a plate,  garnish it with fresh basil and let people add their own.
• The gazpacho does need cooling, if not chilling. I put it in the fridge, covered tightly, a couple of hours before serving. It chills it down but not too much (consider it a cool soup rather than a cold one). If you have leftover gazpacho, you will need to keep it overnight in the refrigerator or it will sour. Cover it well. It will pick up off flavors from the other food in the fridge. To serve the next day, take it out about an hour or so before serving so that it’s not too cold.

Beat-the-heat Gazpacho

6 large homegrown or farmer’s market tomatoes, peeled (see note)
1 large red or yellow bell pepper, roasted, seeded and skinned
1 English cucumber (long ones, usually wrapped in cellophane) or regular cucumber, peeled and seeded
4 large cloves garlic
1 bunch green onions
6 red radishes, trimmed
3-4 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, or more, to taste
2 tablespoons lime juice
2 teaspoons sea salt, to taste
Small pinch of black pepper
Red wine vinegar, to taste, if needed
4-6 large leaves fresh green basil
2 medium, ripe but not mushy, avocados, diced

Note: To peel tomatoes, dip each one in water simmering on the stove. The skins will split and loosen after a short time, 30 seconds to a minute. Take them out immediately and the skins will slip off. (I don’t mind tomato seeds. But if you do, go ahead and seed the tomatoes.)

Coarsely chop the tomatoes and the roasted, seeded and peeled pepper and put them in large steel or glass bowl.  Peel the cucumber, seed it if you’re using one that has large seeds in a mushy center.  Cut it in half. Put one half aside and cut the other half into large dice. Add to bowl. Peel, mash and mince cloves of garlic and add to bowl. Cut white parts of green onions off, chop white parts coarsely and add to bowl. Reserve some of the green parts.  Add 3 of the radishes and set the others aside.

Mix the vegetables in the bowl together gently. In batches, put vegetables in blender and pulse until mixture is just at a coarse purée. Pulse the blender slowly to keep mixture from being frothy.

When all the vegetables are puréed, put them back into a large bowl. Stir in the olive oil and lime juice.  Add 2 teaspoons or more of sea salt and small pinch pepper. Stir these in. Now the tasting begins. Add vinegar if more acid is needed. Add more olive oil if you can’t taste it  (doesn’t need to be a strong or overpowering taste, you just want it evident). Add more salt, to taste. When the gazpacho is as well-balanced as a good vinaigrette, to your taste, don’t fool with it any more. Cover it with plastic wrap and set it aside.

About two hours before serving, cut into small dice the remaining three radishes, the other half of the cucumber and thinly slice green parts of onion so you have about 4 tablespoons. Add to gazpacho. Mince 3-4 tablespoons of the fresh basil and add.  Now, put it into the fridge to cool down before serving.

At serving time, take the bowl out of the fridge and taste again for the acid-salt-oil-sweet (tomato) balance. Adjust if necessary. Stir in the diced avocado. Pour it all into your serving bowl or jar.  Serve right away.

Makes 6-8 servings.

From Bonnie Walker

(photo: Cherice Montgomery)

If you want fresh vegetables and fruit from a farmers market, then look no further than Olmos Basin every Saturday morning.

Since the 1980s, this has been the gathering place for people in search of fresh tomatoes, okra, zucchini and melons from a large variety of vendors. Last Saturday, a dozen booths offered different types of seasonal Texas produce while a few others offered fresh eggs, grass-fed beef and herbs.

And the produce went beyond the expected to include tomatillos, figs, plums, blackberries, black-eyed peas and more.

Zamudio Farms from Natalia  had shallots, beans, new potatoes, cantaloupe and seedless watermelon at its booth among others, but it was the tomatoes that most customers were interested in.

That’s Manuela Zamudio’s favorite as well. “We eat tomatoes,” she said. “It’s the one thing we can’t live without.”

She uses her tomatoes in everything from salsa to salad.

“They’re perfect over the sink with a touch of salt,” one customer chimed in.

That they are.

Or you could what I did later that evening: I sliced the tomatoes and let people eat them atop  sourdough slices covered with mayonnaise. A sprinkling of dill weed or a few tears of fresh basil leaves finished off the open-faced sandwiches in style. An entire loaf of bread and three enormous tomatoes disappeared quickly.

Jose Estrada of Estrada Farms in Devine has been bringing his produce to Olmos Basin for three years now. This past Saturday he had baskets full of okra, tomatoes , figs and more. It’s been a dry year for the farmers, as well as everyone else, and Estrada was one of several farmers who talked about having to rely on irrigation to keep the plants thriving.

Also from Devine was Joe Peña of C&F Farms, who was offering baskets of mixed vegetables perfect for starting a soup stock.

It was great to encounter some vendors from previous farmers markets, including  the folks from Engel Farms in Fredericksburg as well as Dora Peralta and her sister, Celio Rios, from Peralta Farms, both of whom I’d met at the San Antonio Botanical Garden’s Thursday market.

At Auntie Pen’s Backyard booth, a host of herbs and flowering plants designed to live through the Texas heat could be found. Seven varieties of basil, various styles of mint, even artichoke plants filled the tables set up by Penny and Juan Gonzalez.

The plants were all chosen because they are drought tolerant and yet still pretty, Penny said. The easy way to do that for your own home is to “look around your yard and others and see what looks good,” she suggested. “There are lots of things not struggling in the midst of this drought.”

That could be anything from chives to plumbago with its bright blue flowers.

The couple live out near Sea World and grow everything they sell, Juan said. Standing in the shade of their booth, situated under the sheltering branches of a tree, isn’t enough to keep the heat away entirely, so they use a small battery-operated fan to keep air circulating.

The market at Olmos Basin proved to be a great place to run into old friends who were also on the lookout for the freshest produce to be had that day.

Joyce Hotchkiss had to talk herself out of buying squash because she had bought some the previous week and hadn’t cooked it yet. She mentioned it to one farmer who replied that week-old squash from the farmers market should still be good as it was about as fresh as the squash you’d find in a supermarket.

I left with a bag full of tomatillos, shallots, tomatoes and a dozen fresh eggs as well as an oregano plant for the herb garden. A satisfying stop for the week. Who knows what lies in store this week?

The Olmos Basin farmers market is on Jackson Keller Road between McCullough and San Pedro. The market is from 7:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. Tuesdays and Saturdays through the beginning of December. For a full list of Texas Department of Agriculture farmers markets in Bexar County, click here.

It was late as I left the Riverwalk in San Antonio. I had just finished a long-delayed dinner at Big Rick’s Bacon-a-go-Go-GO! in the Pearl Brewery market. As I reached for my car keys, a voice called softly from under the overpass: “Hey, want to buy some imported wine?”

I let that comment pass over my ears under the overpass. Can’t help it; just like the wordplay. It was July. I am in a steamy area in 92 degrees where the air has congealed around my skin to lock in the stale residue of the day. Not exactly where I would look, or keep, wine. “What do you have?” I replied to the dusky concrete columns supporting a roadway like a forest of hard knocks.

“Chateau Petrus 1989 — $600 a case.”

The Holy Grail of wine finds slid off his lower lip opposite the cigarette angled on the left. Chateau Petrus, a Bordeaux, Pomerol region, THE Bordeaux of 1989 famous for its rating of 100 out of 100. Release price almost $400 a bottle and he was offering this gem at 50 bucks a cork.

“Show me,” I said as I sauntered over. “All I have is talk right now.”

He stepped into a bit more light, pulling a two-wheel rack with a cardboard case of wine. “I have a friend watching nearby, he’s got a gun, let’s keep this friendly.” His tone was cautious, but hungry.

“Hey, I’m all about peace and love.” I raised my arms a bit with hands plainly visible. “You are the one hiding in the dark. I just like wine.”

He relaxed a bit and reached down to draw out a bottle.

“No need,” I said as I snapped a handcuff on the extended paw. “Just slowly turn around and put your other hand behind your back.”

His eyes were wide and he seemed to tense. “Don’t do it, buddy, I’m with the police,” I said. “Running will just make you tired when I book you.” I did not worry about the friend guarding him. If there were anyone, it was his girlfriend, who by now would have made her way elsewhere.

I read him, bagged and tagged, sent him off with a mobile unit promising to come in and do the paper. Then I continued my now, much-delayed journey home.

This may sound fantastic to you, but there are people scamming people all the time. The wine turned out to be some screw-cap Australian red that they had swapped labels. Petrus did not use screw-tops in 1989, may never. It is a real global wine problem, may not happen that much but it really hurts the confidence of customers.
It’s like those e-mails you get from Senator Um-babab-waye that say if you will just give him your bank account number, he will send you enough money to buy New Mexico. He just wants his cut, like what is in your bank account right now. Oh, and he will get charge cards from the info and they will be in your name. So you will be cleaned out and owe money from here to Buffalo.

Same goes for those deals telling you that California will break off and sink in two weeks and my this is the perfect time to buy inexpensive, soon-to-be-oceanfront property just south of Reno.

If it sounds too good to be true, it is.